


Cream of the Crop

by AceMoppet



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And so does Yuuri, Dirty Jokes, Fluff and Humor, Highly Inappropriate Nickname, JUST, M/M, Misunderstandings, Sexual Humor, Victor is soft and trying his best, Victor loves nicknames, not that one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 07:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18936217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceMoppet/pseuds/AceMoppet
Summary: In Victor’s humble opinion, one of the perks of dating was bestowing cutesy nicknames on his boyfriend. Especially when said boyfriend enjoyed receiving them as much as Victor liked giving them.Take now for instance.So sweet, Victor thinks, suppressing the lovestruck sigh floating up his throat. Like cake. Or pie.And suddenly, Victor has the perfect nickname.





	Cream of the Crop

**Author's Note:**

> I... honestly have no words to describe this. Obligatory warning that if inappropriate humor isn’t your jam, please don’t read.
> 
> As always, please leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed!

In Victor’s humble opinion, one of the perks of dating was bestowing cutesy nicknames on his boyfriend. Especially when said boyfriend enjoyed receiving them as much as Victor liked giving them.

 

He’d called Yuuri almost every cutesy nickname he could think of. “Sweetheart” (which Yuuri had adopted), “lovebug” (which made him giggle adorably, “honey” (which made him blush), and others spanning the length of all the three languages Victor knew.

 

At this point, he’s used so many nicknames that he’s recycling them, reusing them every opportunity he can. Occasionally, however, a new nickname will pop into his head out of nowhere and promptly be used.

 

Take now for instance. It’s a quiet afternoon, rain pitter-pattering on the windows of their house, as they lounge around on the couch, Victor scrolling through his phone aimlessly as Yuuri reads a magazine article.

 

At one point, Victor looks up, smiling when he sees Yuuri’s eyes shine in interest, one hand cradling his cheek as he turns a page with a soft flutter.

 

_ So sweet,  _ Victor thinks, suppressing the lovestruck sigh floating up his throat.  _ Like cake. Or pie. _

 

And suddenly, Victor has the  _ perfect _ nickname.

 

“Hey creampie, what are you reading?”

 

Victor expects Yuuri to smile, maybe blush and whine  _ “Vitya”  _ in that cute way he does when Victor calls him something sappy. However, that’s not what happens.

 

“Victor,” Yuuri chokes out, face red, red,  _ red _ like an exit sign. “Victor  _ what the fuck?” _

 

Well, Victor always did say he appreciated the way Yuuri always surprises him.

 

“Yuuri? Is something wrong?”

 

Yuuri makes a strangled noise, which would greatly alarm Victor if he hadn’t heard back before they’d even started dating when Yuuri had run into the onsen that very first time. As it is, it only alarms him mildly.

 

“Victor why would you call me  _ that?” _

 

Victor frowns. “Call you what? ‘Creampie’?”

 

Yuuri makes that strangled noise again and hides his face in his magazine with a smack. The lemur on the front cover stares into Victor’s soul with its lantern-yellow eyes.

 

“Does that mean something bad?” Victor says, pressing on. He touches Yuuri’s knee, mildly frightened when it makes Yuuri tense up suddenly. “Yuuri?”

 

Yuuri mumbles something behind the magazine, and Victor frowns again, poking his knee. “Sweetheart, I can’t hear you.”

 

The magazine flutters with the force of Yuuri’s huff, and he pulls it off, face still red. “It’s a sex thing!”

 

Victor blinks. “What?”

 

Yuuri coughs and sits up, clutching the magazine tightly. “It’s a s-sex thing,” he repeats, blushing harder, “So.”

 

“But  _ how?”  _ Victor asks, utterly perplexed.

 

Yuuri groans and smacks himself in the face with the magazine again. “I give up,” he mutters, muffled into the pages. “Please just let me die here.”

 

Victor shakes his head. “No dying,” he reprimands, typing away at his phone. At this point, he knows Yuuri isn’t going to be much help defining this… “sex thing”, so he’s going to have to look it up himself.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

Victor’s a bit preoccupied with his search, so he doesn’t register the way Yuuri suddenly stills when he says “looking it up”. However, he definitely registers the way Yuuri surges up to grab his phone just as the definition pops up on his screen.

 

“Don’t read it!” Yuuri shrieks, grappling for the phone.

 

“Whoa!” Victor stretches his arm over his head, eyes wide in shock. “I just want to know what it means!”

 

“Then  _ ask  _ me!” Yuuri says, twisting in Victor’s lap to get at his phone.

 

“I did!” Victor splutters. Just as Yuuri’s fingers touch his phone, Victor shoves it underneath a pillow and tackles his boyfriend, making sure to jab him right in the places that always gets him to laugh. 

 

Sure enough, Yuuri cackles. “Please,” he begs between giggles, glasses slipping off his nose, “Don’t, please!”

 

Victor stops immediately and jumps off the couch, phone in hand. “Sorry love!” he calls over his shoulder, running out of the room before Yuuri can break from his daze to chase him down.

 

He just manages to lock the bedroom door when Yuuri knocks on it sharply. “Victor!”

 

Victor giggles and turns back to his phone, biting his cheek. “Yes Yuuri?”

 

“Victor,” Yuuri whines, stretching out the last syllable of his name petulantly, “don’t look at it!”

 

“Oh come on, how bad could it-oh.”

 

Hm.

 

_ Hm. _

 

Yeah uh. That’s. That’s definitely a sex thing.

 

Alright then.

 

“Victor?”

 

Victor jolts back to reality. With a curse, he pockets his phone and slowly unlocks the door. Yuuri stumbles in, face flushed from exertion and embarrassment. “Victor!” he says, cradling Victor’s face in his warm hands. “You ok?”

 

Victor licks his lips. “Wow,” he says, “So uh. That’s c-creampie.” And of course, now he can’t say the word without blushing.  _ Goddammit,  _ he thinks, morosely wondering if he’s ever going to be able to eat a pie ever again.

 

Yuuri chuckles and lets his head rest on Victor’s collarbone. “I did warn you.”

 

Victor swallows. “You did,” he concedes, tugging Yuuri closer. 

 

They hug in a silence measured by quiet breaths and the ticking of a distant clock. Eventually, Yuuri pulls back with a sigh. “We should go check on Makkachin. Poor girl was probably worried sick over how loud we were.”

 

Victor snorts but follows his boyfriend out the door.  _ Note to self,  _ he thinks, closing the door behind him,  _ look up a nickname before using it. _

 

Bonus:

 

“Hey Yuuri?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“Why do you know that word anyway?”

 

“... you don’t want to know.”


End file.
